In this message we discover that sexuality is not an opinion or desire, it’s about truth and Lordship.
Alright, everybody. Welcome to Valley Creek Church. I am so glad that you’re here. We want to welcome all our campuses, and whatever campus you’re at can we go ahead and just welcome each other together today? I am glad that you are here with us. We are one Church that meets in multiple locations and we are in a series called ‘Guardrails.’ And we’ve been going through the Book of Proverbs talking about King Solomon, and we’ve been having this conversation about keeping our life out of the ditch. And sometimes the most life-giving thing we can do, is to find the ditch. And if you remember when we kicked off this series, what we said is that in this series what we’re talking about with these guardrails, is its basically healthy boundaries established by Heavenly wisdom. And we said that it doesn’t matter who you are, that everyone of us, we need guardrails in our lives, because at some point in time, you’re going to drift. And you’ve got to build those guardrails before you actually need them. They’re intentional, they’re defined, they’re costly, but they will save your life. Because we all agree that it’s better to bounce into a guardrail than it is end up into the ditch, right?
We said a scratch on your car or your life, is better than a wreck. And so, we’re going to continue the series today, by talking about guardrails in sexuality. Now, if I’m honest with you, I don’t want to preach this message. I realize that it’s an incredibly inspiring way to start, isn’t it? When the preacher says, “I really would rather not preach this message today.” And you say, “Why?” Because it’s awkward. And it’s uncomfortable. And it’s becoming incredibly politicized, there is tension around it and unfortunately there’s so much pain and brokenness in this topic. But here’s what I would say, “If we can’t talk about it in Church, where can we talk about it?” Because you’re not going to learn about truth in the locker room or at school. You’re not going to learn about truth from the media or the news. We have to be willing to wrestle through God’s word together. That’s what John 8:32, Jesus says, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
And so, what I need you to understand is this environment that we’re in together today, always has to be an environment of grace and truth. It has to be both or it’s incomplete because you don’t get freedom without both the grace and the truth of Jesus. And so, let me go ahead and set some ground rules, or some guardrails for how we’re going to engage with one another today. I’m going to ask you to do this, let’s not have any verbal cheering along the way today, because your verbal cheering could be received as condemnation by others sitting in this room. I need you to understand that what we’re talking about today, this is not a political statement, this is not a position paper, this is not a referendum on the world, this is not about shame and guilt. I’m not trying to take away ground some of you have been standing on, I’m not trying to give some of others of you ground to stand on. What I’m trying to help us do is establish healthy boundaries through Heavenly wisdom in the area of sexuality, and I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about us. This is not a message that you sit there and think, “OH, so and so should be hearing this.” Or, “What about them?”
No, no. I’m talking about you. And the guardrails you need in your life because here’s the deal, it’s not that they need Jesus, I need Jesus. And I need his Heavenly wisdom to keep me out of the ditch. And when we talk about sexuality, the most interesting thing to me about it is, it’s actually not a conversation around sexuality. The topic of sexuality has almost nothing to do with sexuality in and of itself, but it has everything to do with two things: Truth and Lordship. That’s what sexuality is really about. It’s about truth and lordship. You see, there’s two questions, you have to answer before we can really get into the topic and the first one is just this: Who defines truth in your life? Like where does truth come from and who is it defined by? Is it defined by your opinions, your feelings, your perspectives, your experiences, what your friend has said, what someone else has been doing, what the world declares, or does it come from what God has said?
I mean, you have to understand that truth is not subjective and it is not relative. He is a person and His name is Jesus. That’s what John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” And if we will walk in his way, we will experience his truth and we will discover his life. I mean, you have to understand, just because the world says something is true, doesn’t make it true, right? Like, my kids come home all time, and they’ll say things to me like this, they’ll say, “Dad! Joey said I was dumb.” “Dad! My teacher said we came from monkeys. Is that true dad? “Dad! My friend told me the Cowboys were going to win the Super Bowl this year.”
Okay. Does that make it true? Just because somebody says something, doesn’t mean it’s true. The world does not get to define truth, only God does. And so, what I need you to understand, I’m going to give you a lot of verses today and I going to lean on my note, because I don’t really care what I have to say, I care what God has to say. Listen to what it says, Proverbs 30:5-6, “Every word if God proves true; he is a shield to all those who come to him for protection. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and expose you as a liar. In other words, everything that God says is true. Not everything that we say is true. And the moment you start defining your own truth, you become your own God. Because only God can define truth. Or how about 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man or woman of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” In other words, scriptures gives us guardrails. It defines the road, and it defines the ditch and it tells us the direction we’re supposed to go, and it says, “All Scripture.” Which means all scripture is true, because here’s the reality, either all scripture is true or none of it is. You don’t get to pick and choose, I like this verse but I don’t like that one. No. It’s either all true or none of it’s true, or how about Isaiah 40:8, “The grass withers the flowers fall, but the word of God stands forever.” In other words, God’s truth was true long before you and it will be true long after you.
So, just because you don’t like it or don’t necessarily understand it, doesn’t mean it’s not true. Truth is still truth whether I choose to believe it or not, and that’s why it’s called faith. I have to sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see, okay? So, who defines your truth? And then the second question is this: Who is your Lord? Who sits on the throne of your heart? Like, who gets to call the shots in your life? Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” because if it’s like mine, it’s pretty limited and finite, “in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.” In other words, if Jesus is Lord, sometimes we just have to obey, even though we don’t understand. Or how about Mark 8:34,”If anyone would come after me he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” In other words, we’re going to have to give up some of the desires or the things we would rather do, if we’re going to actually make Him Lord, or Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.”
We’re going to have to at some point accept and acknowledge that God’s ways are superior to ours, because again, Jesus is either Lord of all or he’s Lord of none. There’s no in-between. You see, if you say, “Hey Jesus you can be Lord of my salvation. You can be Lord of my answered prayers. And you can be Lord of protecting my life, but you cannot be Lord of my sexuality.” Then he is not Lord, you are. And the reality is, the reason we disobey God in areas of our life is because what we’re doing is we’re actually questioning his goodness. If God is love, then everything God asks me to do, is loving. Our problem is that we believe that what we are choosing is going to make us more happier than what God has asked us to do. So, at the end of the day, the conversation around sexuality is not about sexuality, it’s our questioning God’s for us. So, sexuality has nothing to do with opinion and desire. It has everything to do with truth and lordship. Who defines your truth and who is your Lord? Does that make sense to you so far?
You’re allowed to say it if I ask you question. Okay? So, we need some guardrails in our life, because Satan wants to deceive us. I mean if Solomon, the wisest man in the world ended up in the ditch because he didn’t have guardrails on sexuality, then I think we need to like, take note of that, like catch this. 1 Kings 11, here’s what it says about Solomon, “King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter – Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from the nation about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after other gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. He had seven hundred wives of royal birth, and three hundred concubines, and his wives led his astray. As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been, He also followed Ashoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So, Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as his father David has done.”
So, guys just hear, Solomon. He’s got everything. He’s the wisest man on the face of the Earth. He has the favor of God. He’s leading the largest kingdom in the world. And yet, Solomon doesn’t have guardrails in the area of sexuality, which we could all agree because seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, there isn’t no way getting around, you saying, you did not have guardrails in that area. And so, he ends up in the ditch but what I need you to see is what ends up happening to him. It says, Solomon’s heart was turned after other Gods. Which means when you engage in unhealthy sexuality, it will ultimately lead you to a heart full of idolatry. Unhealthy sexuality creates a heart full of idolatry. You start worshipping other Gods. An idol is anything in your life that has more power and significance than God does. And what you do is you start to elevate that thing and you lift it up above over God, and in a sense what happens is sexuality becomes your God.
It becomes the thing that you worship. And the problem with idols in our heart is a heart full of idols will lead to a life full of hostility. An idol-ridden heart will create a hostile, oriented life, because you will become hostile to anyone, or anything that threatens your God, your idol. And so, you’ll become hostile to God. Because this false God in your life starts to go to war with the true God because no God is willing to share its throne. And so, it goes to war, and you become hostile, and your personality changes, and it’s amazing how you can watch people and everything about them starts to change, because there’s this hostility that takes place and you see it all the time, it’s like this tearing in the soul, there’s this torment, there’s duality and you see it in Solomon’s life. Like if you read the first 10 chapters of Proverbs, if you’ve been reading along with us, the first 10 chapters are about two things: wisdom and sex.
And it’s Solomon writing, and he writes these things about be wise and then he drifts into this, like conversation around sexuality because he has this tension in his soul, because he has two Gods warring for his life. The God of the Sex that he wants. And the true God that wants to keep him free. And so, listen to what he says, Proverbs 5, “My son.” He’s like writing to himself, he’s like trying to convince himself, like Solomon you need this guardrail. “My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of the adulterous drips honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end, she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and toil enrich another man’s house.”
“And at the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!” Guardrails. “I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors. I have come to brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly.” It’s like Solomon’s writing and he’s saying if we don’t guard this area of sexuality in our lives, we will end up in the ditch. And it doesn’t matter who you are, because it calls all of our names. And so, I want to give you five guardrails in the area of sexuality. Five guardrails. John 10:10, “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.” Jesus says, “I have come that you might have life.” Understand that all Satan wants to do is steal, kill and destroy every area of your life, but Jesus offers you life. And you will never get Godly results through ungodly ways.
You cannot get the abundant life, through the ways of the world. And the problem, is that the world has defined has defined the ditch as the road. This is the problem. The world has told us the ditch is the road, so we believe that living in the ditch is actually the road we’re meant to be on. And so, what do we need to do? We need to repent. Which means is change our thinking and come into agreement with what God has said regardless of how we feel, because worldly thinking will never lead to Godly living. Heavenly wisdom may not always make sense in Earthly circumstances, but it will always lead you to life. Five guardrails, for you and me, not them, you and me, in sexuality. First thing is this: God created sex. Some of you like that just like made something inside of you might go a little crazy, you thought you’d never hear that in church. The first time, Adam and Eve were having sex, God wasn’t like, “Woah! Woah! What are you doing?”
He created it. Genesis 2, “For this reason,” this is the creation story, “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Like God made them male and female, and put them in the garden and made them sexual beings. Genesis 1:31, “God saw all that he had made,” including sex, “and declared it was very good.” God created sex and says it was good, so can we stop allowing the world in the demonic powers to own and define sex. I mean, I grew up in a generation in the church that, man, sex was bad. Like, I kissed dating goodbye, and stay away from that and don’t even think those thoughts, like all those things which creates all this shame and guilt, so you get married and you’re still not even sure that it’s like okay and then on the other extreme, a lot of us have this picture of God as this old angry man, that’s grumpy and wants to take all the joy out of our lives, so he’s trying to rip sexuality away from us.
Nothing could be further from the truth. God created sex and He wants us to enjoy it, but He has guardrails on how it’s supposed to go. Like there’s four main reasons that God created sex. First one’s just procreation. Genesis 1:28, “Be fruitful and multiply; full the earth and subdue it.” We talked a lot about that verse around here in terms of our kingdom authority, but it’s also true in humanity, like reproduce life. So, procreation. Second, reason is for pleasure. I know that sounds like shocking in church, but read the book of the Song of Songs. Read what Solomon wrote about like a man and a woman and this love that God creates between them, it’s supposed to be pleasurable and enjoyable. The third reason is comfort. God gave it to us for comfort. 2 Samuel 12, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her.” They had sex. “And she gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. And the Lord loved him.” There’s an incredible comfort that happens in that context in God’s design. And then the fourth reason in intimacy.
Genesis 2 again, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they’ll become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Sexuality is the deepest intimacy, the deepest connection we can have with each other, and it’s a reflection of the invitation that God wants us to have with Him. So, can I say it again, can we please stop letting Satan define what belongs to God? If you create it, you get to define how it gets used. Only a creator gets to define his creation, and God has created it, and he’s defined it, and he’s put some guardrails around it. And what I want to tell you is this, is that love has boundaries. The world will not tell you that. We live in a day and age right now, where the world is telling us that love has no boundaries. I get to do what I want, when I want, I can think what I want, feel what I want, I can pursue my needs, my desires and if you love me, you will let me do what I want. Okay.
That’s not true. Love has boundaries. If God is love, 1 John 4, God is love, if God is love, then love has boundaries, because God has given us a lot of boundaries to protect us from hurting ourselves, and from hurting other people. I mean think about it. 1 Corinthians 13, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” In other words, it has boundaries. Because, it’s unloving to delight in evil. It’s unloving to be okay with us hurting ourselves and hurting others. It’s unloving to say anything goes. That’s unloving. Like, think about it like this. My kids, when they go in my backyard, I have a fence. And within my fence, within the boundaries, they’re free to play. And the reason I have a fence there is because, we live right next to a road. And if I didn’t have boundaries for my kids and just told them to go out and play in the road, you would all look at me and you’d be like, “You’re a terrible dad. You’re going to let your kids run out into the road? What if a car comes flying by and hits them.” Okay.
He’s a really good dad. And he’s built a fence for us to play within, so that we can enjoy our life and be free and not be worried about getting hit or destroyed by something we’re not expecting. Ultimately freedom is always found within the guardrails God creates for us. Love has boundaries, because He doesn’t want us to hurt us, and hurt each other. Which brings me to my second guardrail, and that’s this: Sex is designed to be between one man and one woman within the context of marriage. I realize that is like the ultimate counter cultural statement that can be made. But the question then again, I would ask you are these two questions: Who defines your truth? And who is your Lord? Not what do I feel, not what do I think, not what I’ve been told. Who defines your truth and who is your lord? Because, Jesus in the most brilliant way in the sermon on the Mount, he says over and over to a crowd just like this. He says, “Hey.” He says, “You have heard it said but I say to you.”
“You have heard it said, but I say to you.” Over and over and over again. In other words, what Jesus is saying is he says, “I know what they say, but here’s what I have to say.” And so what does God have to say about this topic? Genesis 1:27, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” In other words, God made man and woman in his image and is like this. Both Adam and both Eve were made in the image in like this of God, and yet male and female, they’re completely different. Which means that God is not man or woman; He contains all characteristics and attributes of the masculine, all characteristics and attributes of the feminine. He created them, male and female, and then said, “When you come together in marriage in a one flesh relationship, you now fully reflect and reveal me to the world.” No wonder Satan hates God’s design for sex.
Because it reveals God to this broken and fallen world. You could look at what Jesus has to say in Matthew 19. Jesus says, “Haven’t you read that in the beginning,” he goes back to creation, the Garden of Eden, “the Creator God ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So, they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.” When Jesus is challenged about marriage and sexuality, I love what he does, he says go back and look at the Garden. He says, “I understand that the world has kind of got it all confused and there’s all kinds of perspectives.” He says, “Why don’t you just go back and look at the Creator and how He designed His creation.” You see, what Jesus is reminding us is this concept in the Bible called the Law of Mention. Anytime something is first mentioned in the Bible there is a significant level of truth in that passage that you have to grasp. if you’re fully going to understand the topic or the subject. So what Jesus is saying is, go back to the first time it’s mentioned, take a look at it because that’s God’s heart or God’s design
And if the church throughout the years would’ve just gotten back to Garden of Eden in three areas in particular. Marriage, the empowerment of women, and slavery, we would’ve saved ourselves a lot of pain. Because if you go back to the Garden, you discover that marriage is between one man and one woman, you discover that women were fully empowered because Eve was empowered to rule and reign with Adam, and you discover there was no such thing as slavery because there was no control, there was just freedom, okay. It goes on, you could say 1 Corinthians 6, “Do you no know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived,” because that’s Satan’s trick, “Neither the sexually immoral nor idolater nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our living God.” So, sex is designed to be between one man and one woman within the context of marriage.
Here’s what Exodus 20, a boundary, “You shall not commit adultery.” Or 1 Corinthians 6, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit” Here’s what I need you to hear, only marriage is strong enough to contain the power of sex. Sex is not casual, and it is not transactional. It is sacred, and it is spiritual. And what the Bible teaches us about sex is that when two people come together, the two become one. And they become one not just in body, but actually in soul. There’s an exchange that takes place. There’s a piece of you that you give away and there’s a piece of them that you actually take. And if you’ve ever been in any type of church or freedom environment, like you’ll hear us say around here the same things like this.
It’s called a soul tie. It’s more than just your body, there’s a part of your soul that got tied in with them. You have a piece of you and you took a piece of them. And what ends up happening in the process is I want you to think about it like this, think of two shoelaces and you take that shoelace and you pull it up, when a man and woman come together, there’s a knot that takes place. You tie a knot. There’s an exchange. You become one flesh. Well, the problem is if we go through life, engaging in all kinds of sexual relationships with more and more and more people, what ends up happening is every time a knot gets created in your soul and eventually all you have left is a heart full of knots, and there’s nothing left of you. There’s nothing left of you to give and receive love to the people in your life. And so what worldly sex does is it takes our hearts which are meant to be soft and flexible and it makes them hard and resilient.
And what you have to understand is that short term pleasure leads to long term pain. Worldly sex will never fill your heart with Godly love. And you can never get Godly needs met through worldly provisions. It just doesn’t work that way. And the truth is, is that sin is sin but sexual sins carry heavier consequences. There’s an extra weight there, and you say well why. Because sexual sins damage our identity. Like, Adam and Eve, after that we get in this place where we feel naked and ashamed and afraid and we lose our self-confidence and our value and our worth. Listen, it’s really hard to walk in victory when you always feel guilty. It’s really hard to walk in authority when you always feel full of shame. And what you have to grasp in your own heart and in your own life is that ungodly sex, what it really does at the end, it dehumanizes us. Because we’re not meant to use and be used, we’re meant to love and be loved.
And so, God doesn’t want you to lose yourself and lose your identity and carry the shame, so He gives you these boundaries and I know some of you, you’re sitting here and you’re like, “Bro, it’s the 21st century it’s not that big of a deal.” Oh, but it is. Come do my job for one week, and tell me it’s not a big deal. Come and look at the pain of all these faces that we see, that are so knotted up they don’t even know how to live life anymore. They’ve lost their confidence, their value, their self-worth, sure they think they’re going to Heaven, sure they know that they’re going to Heaven because they’ve accepted Jesus and they’re good with that, but they live this incredibly defeated life. That’s why love has boundaries. Because, worldly sex will not fill your heart with love, it will drain your heart of life. And God wants to free you from that. And some of you you’re sitting here and you’re saying, “Okay that all sounds good, but what about desires and propensities and things we’re born with.” Okay. Well here’s what I would say to you. All of us are born into Adam. We’re all born into Adam and his flaws and failures.
Romans 5:19, “Through the disobedience of one man,” Adam, “the many were made sinners,” that’s how we’re born, “through the obedience of one man,” Jesus, “the many were made righteous.” So, we’re born as sinners with the propensity and a desire to sin. We’re not sinners because we sin, but we sin because we’re sinners. You do who you are. But then Jesus came, and he says, “If you now believe in me, I rescue from the prison of sin, I bring you over here onto a pasture of righteousness, not because of what you do, but because of what I have done. He completely transforms your identity from the inside out and now you start learning to have new desires, new propensities, new areas that you’re moving in your life, because a new creation starts to live a new lifestyle as it goes on a journey, becoming the fullness of who God created them to be. In fact, that’s why I love 1 Corinthians 6:11, what we just read, after the passage about adultery and idolatry and sexuality and homosexuality, it says, “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, by the Spirit of our God.”
In other words, only Jesus can un-knot your soul. And he wants to, because he’s good. Which bring me to my third thing and it’s this: Our bodies are maent to glorify God. I know some of you, you’re sitting there and you’re saying, “Hey, it’s my body, I can do what I want with it.” Actually, it’s not. You didn’t create your body nor did you redeem your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually, sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” If you have a low view of who you are, you have a low view of how you live. But when you start to understand who lives inside of you as a follower of Jesus, everything changes. You are the temple of God. Romans 12, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual active worship.”
You say, I don’t like singing songs and raising my head. Awesome, then use your body. As a living sacrifice, because that’s your worship. 1 Peter 1:15, “But just as he who called you holy is holy, so be holy in all you do.” Righteousness is who you are, holy is how we start to live. And what we do in this conversation is we want to say well what’s the line. How close to the line can I get? That’s the wrong question. The right question is, how can I glorify God with my body? Ephesians 5:3 says, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Listen, the reason I’m throwing that in is because I want you to understand, it’s like okay well we’re not actually having sex, we’re just doing everything else. Okay. Just talking about it-it’s everything, it’s not just intercourse. It’s the whole thing. And if you’re sitting here and you’re saying, we’re dating, we love each other but we’re not ready to get married. Okay. If you’re not ready to get married, you’re not ready to have sex.
If you say, well I’m not responsible enough to get married yet, then you’re not responsible enough to have sex. You don’t get to have desert before you have to eat the vegetables. You don’t get the chocolate cake, before you have some broccoli and some green beans. And what I mean by that, until you’re ready to serve and commit and honor, you’re not ready for the joy that God creates for two people who’re going to live together His way for life. You see the truth, at the end of the day, you can use your sexuality as one of two things: It’s either a weapon or it’s worship. But there not in between. It’s either a weapon that you use to hurt other people, get what you want, attract someone else, get your needs met or it’s worship. Godly sexuality is a lifestyle of worship. And if you’re here and sexuality has been used as a weapon against you, I am so sorry.
If you’ve been abused, raped, taken advantage of, manipulated, pushed into situation you didn’t want to be in, I am so sorry. And I want to tell you that the Spirit of the living God, who’s full of loving and compassion is this room, and He’s here to heal the deepest recesses of your soul. And if you’re here, and you say, “Well I’m single, what about me?” Jesus and Paul were single too. And what the Bible tells us is that sex within God’s boundaries within one man and one woman in marriage is a gift, but it also tells us in 1 Corinthians 7, that celibacy is a gift. And God will give you the strength, remember you won’t be able to find Godly results in ungodly ways and don’t try to look for the person you want to marry, become the person you want to marry. Our bodies are meant to glorify God. Fourth thing is this: Ask the Holy Spirit to help you establish personal boundaries. I know this is more teaching but this is the only way to do this.
I’m not going to give you a bunch of definitions of things you have to do, because that’s called religion and you need relationship. John 16:13, you just need to ask the Holy Spirit, he’s your guide. Psalm 25:4, “Show me your ways O God, teach me your paths.” God would love to do that. We already have the Bible and the guardrails that He’s given us, but you need unique additional guardrails in your life based on your unique desires, propensities, vision, etc. because here’s the deal, you’ve got to invite God into your sexuality. Some of us who’re sitting here, we’re like, “That is the-like I couldn’t even think about doing that.” God doesn’t like sex. No, that’s what the world tried to trick you of. Why would you not want to invite the one who created, and who is for it into your sex life. Cause that’s when it’ll be the most abundant and flourishing. And what you need to understand is that most sexual boundaries, are non-sexual in nature.
What’re you looking at? What’re you listening to? Who are you hanging out with? What situations are you putting yourself in? What environments are you going into? Those are the boundaries that matter. I mean listen to what Jesus says, Matthew 6, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” In other words, Jesus says almost all sexuality, right here, a look creates a thought, a thought creates a desire, a desire leads to an action, and the action leads you to the ditch. That’s why pornography matters. That’s why trashy romance novels matter. That’s why it matters what you’re listening to in music and watching on the radio. That’s why it matters if you’re on social media, and comparing your spouse to somebody else’s spouse, because those things will get inside your heart, they start to fester and over time, it just leads you in the wrong way. And the truth is you can get in the ditch without ever even acting because Jesus says, if you even look with lust in your eye and in your heart, you’ve already ended up there. I mean David, fascinating isn’t it that Solomon ended up in the ditch over sexuality. And it was his father David who ended up in the ditch over sexuality. It passes on because what we model, gets recreated. I mean listen to this, one evening David got up from his bed and he walked around on the roof of his palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing, and she was beautiful. And he took Bathsheba, slept with her, got her pregnant, had her husband killed and David got in the ditch. David lost his destiny over unguarded sexuality. Don’t lose your destiny over unrepentant, unguarded sexuality. Repentant sexuality actually increases your destiny at this point, because God will give you a story to tell and an anointing in that area of your life.
But, unrepentant, ungodly sexuality, it steals your destiny. That’s why it matters. And we need God’s wisdom to put the boundaries in place because they’re clear, they’re defined and they’re intentional and self-control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s not try harder, it’s submit more. Because I want his truth and I want his lordship which brings me to my last thing and it’s this: You’ve got to receive His grace. Let me pull altogether with this, in John 8, it’s probably the greatest engagement that Jesus has over this concept of sexuality. There’s a woman and she was caught red-handed in adultery. And I’ve never noticed it until this week as I was reading it. It says, “At dawn, Jesus is teaching at the temple,” and it says at dawn in other words, the Pharisees, the religious people, they barged in and literally ripped her out of the bed at the end of the night. And they grab her, and they take her, and throw her in front of Jesus. She’s totally exposed.
Like, put yourself in the situation for a second. Could you imagine your worst moment being exposed like that at the feet of Jesus? And they all pick up stones and they’re ready to stone her, and they look at her and they look at Jesus and they said, “Jesus, Moses in the law tells us that we should stone her. What do you have to say?” Jesus says, “He who is without sin, let him throw the first stone.” Which is fascinating because Jesus doesn’t deny the consequence for her actions. He just clarifies who should be the one worried about the stones. And one by one, they all drop it and they all leave and then it’s only Jesus, and Jesus the only one who could’ve actually picked up the stone is the only one that didn’t. Why? Because Jesus didn’t come to throw the law at us, he came to fulfil the law for us. What he’s saying to all these guys as he’s basically saying, all those stones you want to throw at her, they’re going to be thrown at me, I’m going to fulfil it for her, why don’t you move along. And then he looks at the woman and he help her up and in John 8:10-11, he says, “”Is there no one left to condemn you?” She says, “No one, sir.” “Then neither do I condemn you. Now go and sin no more.”
It’s fascinating. Jesus gives her grace and truth. He doesn’t condemn her but he doesn’t’ condone her either. He gives her grace and truth and he sets her free. Cause Jesus knows, it’s the undeserving favor of grace that will open up the door of our heart to receive the truth that will set us free. It’s grace that draws us into his arms and changes our behavior. Here’s what Titus 2:12 says, “Grace teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” It’s grace that changes us. Grace doesn’t empower me to sin, grace empowers me to overcome sin and what you need to understand is grace that does not to holiness is no grace at all. Truth without grace is condemnation. Grace without truth is enabling. Grace and truth is the freedom that Jesus offers. And let’s be honest, the church has totally messed this up. In our vigor and excitement to defend God’s truth, we have kind of forgotten about grace. And then we can swing way over here and we can get so into grace that love has no boundaries, anything goes, that we forget that it’s actually truth, in the end that sets people free. And so, if you’re here today, and in any way, you have been shamed, judged, condemned, hurt, felt unwanted or unaccepted by the church of Jesus at any time in any place, as a church leader on behalf of that situation I want to repent and apologize to you. I want to say, I’m so sorry for how the people of God and Jesus his church have treated you. Because that’s not God’s heart. God’s heart is to give you grace. It will lead you to His truth, because he wants to set you free. And sometimes, we have to be set free from something we’re not even aware that is a bondage in our life. You have to understand that no matter how big of a ditch you think you’re in, Jesus and only Jesus can get you out of it. I don’t know where you’ve been, I don’t know what you’ve done, I don’t know what this conversation is doing in your heart and in your mind right now, I know this though, in Jesus you are fully known, you are fully loved, in him you are fully forgiven, and you are invited to be fully free.
It’s your choice. Cause he loves you. And if you’re sitting here and you’re saying, “I’m in the ditch bro. I don’t even know how I got there. I don’t know how to get out of it. How do you get out of the ditch? If you drove home today, and you ended up in the ditch, what would you do? First thing you would just call somebody for help. So, just call God for help. He says let us boldly approach His throne of grace in our time of need that we may find mercy. Just cry out to Him. He’s here, He’s waiting. Call for help then confess your sin, God I’m in the ditch, because you’ve got to actually confess and acknowledge this is the ditch, because if you think it’s the road, you’re not actually looking for help. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us, and cleanse us of it all, and get us back on the road. Then you’ve got to invite accountability into your life, because you got in the ditch probably with the wrong people in your life. You probably need some new people in your life that will hold your accountable because none of can stay on the road by ourselves, and here’s the biggest one, then focus on your identity in Jesus.
Stop sitting there and thinking about all the things you’ve done wrong and all the condemnation and all the thoughts and all the ways of the world, stop and say, Okay, I am now the righteousness of God and Christ Jesus. A new creation lives a new lifestyle and what you have to remember is that if you think you are dirty, you will go and play in the mud. Cause if I’m dirty, I’m going to jump on the mud puddle on my way to the car. But the moment you start to actually believe you’re clean, I’ve got new shoes, and new pants and new shirt and I’m clean. When the mud puddle shows up, you’re not tempted to jump in the mud puddle, because all of a sudden you now start to understand who you are, so you go around it, that’s why Solomon in Proverbs 23 tell us as a man thinks in his heart, so is he? That’s why we spend all the time around here talking about who we are in Jesus, because who you are determines what you do and if you don’t understand who you now are in Jesus, it doesn’t matter about having conversations around behavior.
We have to understand. He made us a new creation, which draws us to a new lifestyle. John 14:6 Jesus says, “I am the way and the truth and the life.” If we walk in his way, we will discover his truth and we will experience his life. The only two questions that matter today is ‘Who defines your truth?’ and ‘Who is your Lord?’ And it doesn’t matter what your answer was yesterday, what matters what your answer is right now. Who defines truth? And who is Lord? Cause the one that is true, is inviting you today to be free. So, will you close your eyes with me for a moment? Can you just take a moment and just let the Holy Spirit do what He wants to do in you? Holy Spirit, I invite you into this place right now. Would you come and turn over the rocks in our hearts? Would you come and be our guide and our counselor? Would you come and show us where we’re drifting and would you come and draw us back on the way? If you’re here and you’re knotted up and you’ve been hurt and wounded, Holy Spirit I pray that you would come and heal those hearts right now. Would you give us new ways of thinking? Would you give us new ways of living? Would you help us understand that the Jesus has healed us and washed us clean?
That you’ve come to bind up the broken hearted. That was our past, but you’re inviting us to a new future. Jesus, I invite you into this space to come and sit on the throne of our hearts. We pray that every false God in our lives would be shown false for who he is and be torn down. And that you would take the rightful place as the good Shephard who loves us. And Father I pray that you would step into this room with all comfort and compassion. To help us understand that there is no condemnation, there is no guilt, there is no shame, there is an invitation for your beloved children to be free. And so, in your own way, my encouragement to you would be respond to Jesus, invite him into your life, invite him into this area, bring it into the light don’t live in darkness, because today is the day of freedom in the name of Jesus. So, Lord we love you and we thank you for your truth that come with your grace to set us free. In your name we pray. Amen.